Do you know why the Vandy football team should change its name to the “Possums”?
- Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why doesn’t Vandy have ice on the sidelines?
- The guy with the recipe graduated.
What do you get when you drive slowly by the Vandy campus?
- A degree.
How do you get a Vandy graduate off your porch?
- Pay him for the pizza.
Why is it that the Vandy football team doesn’t have a web site?
- They can’t string three “Ws” together.
Did you hear that a Vandy player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident?
- He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
What are the best four years of a Vandy student’s life?
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a Commodore when I grow up.
- Mom: But Johnny, you can’t do both.
A Tennessee student and a Vandy student are both using the men’s room. When they finish their business, the Tennessee student heads for the door, while the Vandy student heads for the sink.
The Commodore calls to the Tennessee student, “At Vandy, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom.”
The Tennessee student replies, “At Tennessee, they teach us not to pee on our hands.”
I heard that Vandy Coach was only dressing twenty-two players against Tennessee.
- He said the rest could dress themselves!
How many Commodores does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- One, but he gets 3 credit hours.
What is the difference between a Commodore and Rice Crispies?
- Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
- On the Vandy campus. That’s the last place you’d find a football player.
Why don’t Commodores let their kids play in sand boxes?
- Because the cats keep covering them up.
A Commodore walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?”
- The frog replies, ‘I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.’
Why do Commodores keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
- So they can park in handicap spaces.
What do you call a good looking girl on the Vandy campus?
- A visitor.
What did the Vandy graduate say to the Tennessee graduate upon meeting?
- Hi! Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Commodores?
- Gross ignorance.
Did you hear about the power outage at the Vandy library?
- Forty Commodores were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Did you hear about the fire in Vandy’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
- The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
Did you hear the Rolling Stones are playing at Vandy’s stadium?
- Yeah, They’re 10-point favorites.
Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Vandy campus?
- The officials had to check ID’s before letting anyone back on board.
What do a Vandy student and an Tennessee student have in common?
- They both got accepted to Vandy.
What does the average Vandy student get on his SAT?
What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a Commodore?
- Six more weeks of bad football.
Tennessee is playing at Vandy, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A Vandy fan sets off a firecracker, and Tennessee, thinking it’s the end of the half, runs off the field.
- Three plays later, Vandy punts.
What should you do if you find three Commodores buried up to their necks in cement?
- Get more cement!
How do you make Commodore cookies?
- Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours!
What do Vandy grads and tornadoes have in common?
- They both move around a lot, but they all wind up in trailer parks.
Why did Vandy rise in the rankings this past week?
- Because the sportswriters and coaches considered ‘BYE’ as tougher than any other opponent Vandy has played so far this season.
How many Vandy freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, it’s a sophomore course.
What’s the difference between a Commodore and a carp?
- One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.