Arkansas Football Jokes



How come Arkansas football players won’t drive a Japanese car?

They don’t think they’ll understand what’s said on the radio.

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How do you get a former Arkansas football player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

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A scrawny man at a bar in Town says to the guy sitting next to him, “Hey, you want to hear a really funny Arkansas joke?” The guy replies, “Hey buddy. See the bartender? He played at Arkansas. See those two huge guys to your left? They played at Arkansas. See that group of big guys over at that table? All Arkansas football players. Look at me. I’m 6’4, 235 and played at Arkansas. Now are you sure you want to tell me your joke?”

The scrawny man says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain and repeat it 5 times.”

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One day in an elementary school, a teacher asks her class if  Arkansas was their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, “What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?”

Little Jimmy says, “LSU.”

The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”

Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is an LSU fan, my mom is an LSU fan, I guess that makes me an LSU fan.”

The teacher angered by his reply says, “If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?”

Little Jimmy says, “Well, I guess that would make me an Arkansas fan.”

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One foggy night, an LSU fan was heading north and an Arkansas fan was driving south. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Arkansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”

Likewise, the LSU fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Arkansas fan walks over to the LSU fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”

The LSU fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”

The LSU fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Arkansas, “I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Arkansas fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Arkansas fan hands it back to the LSU fan and says, “Your turn!”

The LSU fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”

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Q: What’s the difference between an Arkansas fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: How many Arkansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

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Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the Arkansas campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.

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Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Arkansas weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

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Q: Why don’t Arkansas fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

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An Arkansas fan walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?” The frog replies, “I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.”

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Q: Did you hear about the Arkansas fan that locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn’t get his family out.

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Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Arkansas campus?

A: A visitor.

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Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Arkansas library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

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Q: Did you hear about the fire in Arkansas football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.

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Q: Do you know why the Arkansas football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

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Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Arkansas campus?

A: The officials had to check ID’s before letting anyone back on board.

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Q: What does the average Arkansas student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

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Q: What should you do if you find three Arkansas fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.

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General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, “I will grant you one wish.” The General replied, “I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war.” The genie responded, “I’m not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.” “Well,” the General responds, “then can you have Arkansas win a bowl game this year?” After a moment, the genie says, “Let me see that map again.”

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Q: How do you make Arkansas cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an Arkansas fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There are some things that a pig will not do.

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Q: How many Arkansas freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it’s a sophomore course.

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Arkansas’s football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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Q. What did the Arkansas graduate say to the LSU graduate?

A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”

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Did you hear about the Arkansas fan who was so upset that LSU beat Arkansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window?

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It was reported that Arkansas head football coach will only be dressing twenty players for the LSU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

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Did you hear that the Arkansas library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football team was very upset because they hadn’t colored in two of them yet.

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Q: How do you get an Arkansas grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

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Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an LSU grad, an Arkansas grad, a Ole Miss grad, and a Tennessee grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Ole Miss grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Ole Miss!” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Tennessee grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Tennessee!” Seeing this the LSU grad walked over and shouted “This is for the LSU!” and pushed the Arkansas fan off the side of the mountain.