Virginia Tech Football Jokes
A West Virginia student, Virginia student and Virginia Tech student were all having lunch together on a bridge outside Virginia Tech. The West Virginia student opens his lunch box and says, “A hotdog again! If I have to eat one more hotdog I’m going to jump off this bridge!”
The Virginia student then opens his lunch box and exclaims, “Salad again! If I have to eat salad one more time I’m going to jump too!”
Lastly the Virginia Tech student opens his lunchbox and complains, “Peanut butter and jelly! If I get peanut butter and jelly one more time I’m going to end it all too!”
The next day the West Virginia student finds another hotdog and jumps… the Virginia student got salad again and threw himself off the bridge too… finally the Virginia Tech student finds peanut butter and jelly again and jumps to his demise as well.
Later when the three mothers were grieving the West Virginia mother cries, “If I had only known he didn’t like hotdogs,” and the Virginia mother cried, “I thought salad was good for him.” The Virginia Tech mother then exclaimed, “I don’t understand… he fixed his own lunch every day!”
Q: Why don’t Virginia Tech grads use 911 in an emergency?
A: Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.
Q: How do you compliment an Virginia Tech fan?
A: Nice tooth.
Q: What is the difference between an Virginia Tech cheerleader and a catfish?
A: One has whiskers and smells; the other is a fish.
Q: How do you keep an Virginia Tech girl from biting her nails?
A: Make her wear shoes.
Q: How do you break an Virginia Tech guy’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: What kind of jokes do they tell in Poland?
A: Virginia Tech Jokes!
Q: Hear about the Virginia Tech guy who lost $50 on the football game?
A: He lost $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay!
Q: Why did the Virginia Tech fan marry the cow?
A: He had to.
Q: How can you tell when there’s been an Virginia Tech fan in your backyard?
A: The garbage is gone and your dog’s pregnant.
Q: Did you hear that Virginia Tech has found a new use for sheep?
A: Yeah … wool!
Q: Do you know how to tell which girls at Virginia Tech are level headed?
A: The snuff runs out of both corners of her mouth.
Once upon a time a Virginia fan and an Virginia Tech fan were on a road trip and the Virginia Tech felt the call of nature. The Virginia fan pulled off the road and the Virginia Tech ran into the brush. In a moment, the Virginia fan hears a voice saying, “There is nothing back here to wipe with.” The Virginia fan replied, “Use some leaves or something.” The Virginia Tech fan says, “There’s nothing in reach.” So the Virginia fan says “Have you got a dollar?” “I think so,” says the Virginia Tech. In a few minutes, the Virginia Tech fan shows up at the car door with his hands covered with you know what. The Virginia fan says, “What happened? I thought you were going to use a dollar.” The Virginia Tech replied, “I did, but have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel?”
Q: Did you hear about the Virginia Tech athlete that won a Gold Medal at the Olympic game?
A: He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed!
Q. Why was the Virginia Tech football team late for last year’s game?
A. Because every time they passed a sign for ‘Clean Restrooms,’ they did.
Q. How many Virginia Tech students does it take to make popcorn?
A. Eleven. One to hold the pan and ten to shake the stove.
Q: What do you call a line of John Deere tractors going down the road?
A: The Virginia Tech Homecoming Parade.
A ventriloquist who retired from show business decided to try rural life and was inspecting a farm that an Virginia Tech fan had for sale. As the Virginia Tech fan was taking him around, the ventriloquist — who loved practical jokes — couldn’t resist playing one on the Virginia Tech fan… because he seemed so gullible. As they walked through the barnyard, a cow standing nearby suddenly spoke — or at least appeared so to the Virginia Tech fan. “Your hands were awfully cold this morning when you milked me,” the cow said. The Virginia Tech fan gave the cow a startled look. Then a passing chicken complained, “I wish you’d collect the eggs sooner.” The Virginia Tech fan looked stricken, and the ventriloquist didn’t give a hint of what was going on. Walking passed the horse, they heard, “I’d appreciate a few more oats when you feed me.” The Virginia Tech fan began to sweat. As they approached some sheep, the Virginia Tech fan said, “Don’t believe anything these sheep say. They’re terrible liars!”
Q: How can you tell an Virginia Tech grad is on location at a drilling rig?
A: He’s the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
Q: How many Virginia Tech students does it take to eat an armadillo?
A: Two. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.
Q: Why don’t Virginia Tech fans eat barbecue beans?
A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Q: What do you call an Virginia Tech fan with no brothers or sisters?
A: A virgin.
Q: What do you get if you cross a West Virginia football player with an Virginia Tech cheerleader?
A: Nothing! There are some things even a West Virginia football player won’t do!
Q: How can you tell you’re getting close to Virginia Tech?
A: If you stop to take a piss the Cows will back up to the fence!
Two Virginia Tech Farmers are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,
“Hey Bo, what’cha got in th’ bag?”
— “Jus’ some chickens.
— “If I guess how many there are, can I have one?”
— “I’ll give you both of them.”
— “OK. Ummmmm……, five?”
The Virginia Tech player and an Virginia Tech cheerleader were making out in the front seat of the car.
— “Want to go in the back seat?” she asked.
— “No,” he replied. A few minutes later she asked, “Now do you want to get in the back seat?”
— “No,” he said again, “I wanna stay here in the front seat with you.”
Q: Why did they cancel the Christmas play on the Virginia Tech campus last year?
A: They couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Q: What’s the difference between Virginia Tech fan and a brand new puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will quit whining.
Q: What does sperm and an Virginia Tech player graduating have in common?
A: They both have about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of succeeding!
Q: What do you call 32 Virginia Tech women in one room?
A: A full set of teeth!