Things you will never hear an Oklahoma State fan say:
- I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
- Nope, no more for me. I’m driving tonight.
- I thought Graceland was tacky.
- We’re vegetarians.
- Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
- I’ve got it all on the C: drive.
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
- I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
- Trim the fat off that steak.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
- Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
- I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
- Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
- Let’s go to the museum.
- No, I insist you have the last piece.
- Four wheelers are just too dangerous.
- I think we should get to know each other better first.
- I have reviewed your application.
- I hope this wasn’t tested on animals.
Test to see if you are an Oklahoma State Fan
- You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
- You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company
- You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
- Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
- You think Possum is “The Other White Meat”
- You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
- You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
- You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
- You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl’.
- You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
- The people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors
- You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
- You take a six-pack cooler to church
- You use a weedeater in your living room.
- The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
- The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical genius because he’s got thirteen fingers.
The Obligatory Bad Joke section – enter at your own risk.
A Oklahoma State fan got a job at a sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied, “I just touched this big spinning thing here like this…Damn! There goes another one!”
Why don’t Oklahoma State fans eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Why don’t Oklahoma State fans use 911 in an emergency?
Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.
How can you tell a Oklahoma State fan is on location at a drilling rig?
He’s the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
How many Oklahoma State fans does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two. One to do the eating, and one to watch for cars.
Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at Oklahoma State.
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
Why do Oklahoma State fans like smart women?
Q: What do you get when you put 32 Oklahoma State cheerleaders in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: How many Oklahoma State fans does it take to eat a ‘possum?
A: Three. One to eat the ‘possum and two to watch for cars.
There were 2 Oklahoma State fans going to Six Flags.
They were really excited because they had never been there before.
They were driving along when they saw a sign that said “Six Flags Left.”
So they turned around and went home.
It’s been reported that they found a skeleton on the Oklahoma State campus.
It was the 1967 hide and seek champion.
Q: Why is ice no longer available at Oklahoma State football games?
A: The sophomore with the recipe left school when his eligibility was up.
Q: How do you get a Oklahoma State cheerleader out of your dorm room?
A: Grease her hips and push.
If two married Oklahoma State grads get a divorce, are they still cousins?
If you see a Oklahoma State Fan on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
~ It might be your bicycle.
A Oklahoma State linebacker majoring in math concluded his senior thesis
with the following statement- There are three kinds of people in this world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
(He got an A+)
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State fan with a personalized license plate?
His Dad made it in prison.
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State grad who bought an AM Radio?
It took him two weeks to figure out that the radio works at night, too.
If Bill Gates were a Oklahoma State fan:
The Recycle Bin in Winders ’95 would be an outhouse
Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with duct tape and a Hefty Bag
Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old pickup
Q: Why do they throw a sack of manure into the chapel at Oklahoma State weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
A Oklahoma State student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the tired line “Where do y’all go to school?”
The co-ed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl but did answer his question.
“Yale,” she replied.
The Oklahoma State student took a big deep breath and shouted,
“WHERE DO Y’ALL GO TO SCHOOL!?”
Did you hear that the President’s mansion at Oklahoma State burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: How do you get a Oklahoma State graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State fan who was a dyslexic agnostic with insomnia?
He laid awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Q: How many Oklahoma State freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That’s a sophomore course.
A Oklahoma State football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident.
He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily the manager of the WalMart came out and unplugged it in time!
Q: Why do Oklahoma State cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
Q : How is the Oklahoma State football team like a possum?
A : They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
A Oklahoma State fan walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut down 6 trees in one hour.
The salesman recommends the top of the line model and the Oklahoma State fan, suitably impressed, buys it.
The next day the Oklahoma State fan brings the chain saw back and says,
“This chain saw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!”
The salesman takes the chain saw and starts it up to see what’s wrong.
The Oklahoma State fan says, “What’s that noise?”
A young ventriloquist is touring Oklahoma State and stops to entertain at a bar near campus.
He’s doing his usual stupid Redneck jokes when a Oklahoma State Linebacker in the audience stands up and says “I’ve heard just about enough of your smart ass redneck jokes; we ain’t all stupid here in Oklahoma State.” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the Oklahoma State linebacker pipes up: “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee!”
Q: Why is Oklahoma State replacing the astroturf in their Stadium with cardboard?
A: The team looks better on paper.
Invited to a wedding reception by a relative, a Oklahoma State grad and his son travel to the big city for the first time. After eating a lot of salty food, the father is thirsty and continually sends his son for water. After the last trip the kid comes back empty-handed. The father asks, “So where’s my water, boy?”
“Couldn’t get any this trip, Pa. Some guy’s sitting on the well.”
Q. Why doesn’t the Oklahoma State football team have its own webpage?
A. Because they can’t put 3 W’s together.
A Oklahoma State fan walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Oklahoma State jersey and helmet, and festooned with Oklahoma State pom-poms. The bartender says, “Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You’ll have to leave!” The Oklahoma State fan begs him: “Look, I’m desperate. We’re both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can watch the football game!” After securing a promise that the dog will behave, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar to watch the game. The big game begins with the Oklahoma State receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says, “Wow, that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! What does that dog do if Oklahoma State scores a touchdown?” The owner replies, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for 3 years.”
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State students that were found
frozen to death at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”
Q: Why did Oklahoma State replace the Stadium grass with astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.
Q : Why are there no Nativity scenes on the Oklahoma State campus at Christmas?
A : Because they can’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: How can you tell if a Oklahoma State fan is a married man?
A: There’s tobacco juice running down both doors of his pickup.
Q: How do you starve a Oklahoma State fan?
A: Hide the food stamps under the soap.
Q: What’s the smallest book in the world?
A: The Oklahoma State book of football heroes.
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Oklahoma State fan?
A: A Tattoo.
There were three Oklahoma State fans huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
“Yeah, 45! 45!” The bartender goes down to them and asks, “45? What are you guys so excited about?”
One of the Oklahoma State fans speaks up: “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!”
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State terrorist who tried to blow up the Oklahoma team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
How many Oklahoma State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
What is the difference between the Oklahoma State fans and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Did you hear about the Oklahoma State fan who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
Why did the Oklahoma State fan get fired from the M&M plant as a quality control inspector?
He kept throwing out all the W&W’s!
Have you heard about the Oklahoma State fan kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.